About Memory D

I was sifting through a box full of old photographs today and I found some pictures of D and me. We were standing by this lake along Great Ocean Road, and we were smiling like a couple of loons... Even though I seem to remember that we were freezing. (Yeah, trust us to decide to visit the 12 Apostles on a rainy Saturday in September.) Of course, I was bundled up in my funky leather jacket and D - always the macho man - only sported a thin, short-sleeve shirt. Then there was the 1 of us decked out in jester hats, carrying huge inflatable hammers and boxing gloves as we clowned around the Royal Melbourne Show.

I don't know how long I sat, thinking back on all the good times the 2 of us shared. You can pack a lot into 6 years so it must've been quite awhile. I wasn't surprised to find my cheeks wet when I came out of my reverie. I was surprised, however, to find myself smiling at the same time.

It's funny how I've moved on without even noticing it... The initial sear of pain faded after a while but for the longest time, there was a niggling ache inside me that refused to go away. I lived with it, ignored it, and even managed at times, to forget about it. But it was always there.

Tonight... I realize... Although it still hurts when I think back on everything D and I shared, the ache I feel exists for different reasons. I'm done mourning the love I had.

Why the wistfulness then? Well...
I wish D was still in my life.
I wish our friendship could go back to being like it was.
I wish he was still cracking me up with his lame jokes.
I wish he was still pissing me off with his annoying personality.
I wish we still agreed to disagree.
I wish we still had long conversations about obscure 80s music.
I wish I could still give him crap about his love for Cocopops.
I wish I could still count on him to be my rock.

So, yes, the ache's still there. But I don't mind it anymore. The smiles I get from memories of the times with D more than make up for it.

D... If you ever read this babe, I hope that you've found everything you were looking for and that your life is full of joy. I don't know if I've ever said this but thank you for being a part of my life. Know that I understand why things have to be this way between us. Know that I'll think of you once in a while. And though I might sniffle a little, I'm chuckling on the inside from all the happiness our friendship has given me. This song has always made me think about you. I hope that the memories you have of me also translate into something beautiful.

Time, sometimes the time just slips away,
And you're left with yesterday, left with the memories.
I, I'll always think of you and smile,
And be happy for the time,
I had you with me.

Though we go our separate ways,
I won't forget, so don't forget the memories we made.

Please remember, please remember,
I was there for you and you were there for me.
Please remember, our time together,
The time was yours and mine, and we were wild and free.

Please remember, please remember me...

Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say,
And it's sad to walk away with just the memories.
Who's to know what might have been,
We leave behind a life and time I'll never know again.

Please remember, please remember,
I was there for you and you were there for me.

And remember, please remember me...

Please remember, please remember,
I was there for you and you were there for me,
Please remember, our time together,
The time was yours and mine, and we were wild and free.

Then remember, please remember me...

And how we laughed and how we smiled,
And how this heart was yours and mine,
And now the dream is out of reach,
I stood by you, you stood by me,
We took each day and made it shine,
We wrote our names across the sky,
We ran so fast, we ran so free,
Cause I had you and you had me.

Please remember, please remember...
-- LeAnn Rimes
-- "Please Remember"