I've been deliberating about buying this particular book for ages.
Why haven't I? Well... I'm afraid that reading it might force me to face up to truths I've been avoiding for far too long, truths I have no desire to deal with right yet.
God, that makes me sound so pathetic, doesn't it? The funny thing is, I've never been 1 to sell myself short. I know what I am. I know what I'm worth. I know that I deserve more than what I've been getting. And yet, here I am, living in a web of self-deception and self-denial that I have no desire to break out of.
Right about now, I'm guessing that the women who're reading this are mentally cursing me to perdition for my lack of spine, discipline and self-respect. After all, any 21st century woman worth her salt would have packed up and moved on a long time ago. So once again... Why haven't I?
Well... He's the 1st in over 2 years that's really made me laugh. He's the 1st ever that's made me nervous just at the thought of seeing him. Hell... He's the 1st since god-knows-when that I actually want to see on a regular basis. He's the 1st... Hmmm... Ok, I'll spare you guys the more explicit details. *impish grin* Let's just say that when we're together, it's all good.
So even though I know it'll probably not end up the way I want it, I don't want to walk away just yet. He's made me no false promises. He's told me no lies. I keep telling myself to live for the moment and so far, I think I've done a pretty good job. I know the time will come when "the moment" won't be enough anymore. I'm just wondering if I should hurry myself along a little and let that time be now.
A few days ago, I asked for suggestions on the perfect birthday present to buy for that special person in my life. (Click here to read that post!) I guess the bigger question is, should I be buying a gift at all?
Heh... Damn... I couldn't even answer the "what to buy" question... *perplexed look*
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10 comments:
Then don't.
Suspicious Bastard - Hahaha... I love succinct answers. However, I'm being a typical girl here (An increasingly rare occasion, might I add!), ergo I know that I'm complicating the matter needlessly but I still feel a need to whine about it. ;)
Im positive you werent talkin bout a book...
Im positive you werent talkin bout a book...
but having said that... do what makes you happy and comfortable. and do so until you feel otherwise. hugs.
Girlie. I think you being happy at the end of the day is the most important. This with reg to the guy.
and just buy the damn present. Youll be asking yourself why you didnt get it cos you know you want to get it.
Jules - The thing is, I don't think I even rank #2 in his list. I reckon it's more like #7 or 8? *bitter laugh* Yes. That makes me even more pathetic I know.
Adrock - If you meant that my post was totally irrelevant to how I started it off with a reference to a book... Yeah... The book bit was just the lead in to my wallowing in self-pity. :P
Missduhr - Eh? Having said what? Who said? *looks a little befuddled*
Princess - Heh... We'll see what happens. There's a while to go before A's birthday yet. We'll see if he remembers mine 1st. :)
Missduhr - Hah! Ooooooooh you cow. I just read what your deleted message was from the notification email Blogger sent me.
You is lucky you is decided to delete it biach, or I is be hammering your ass tomorrow at the office! :P
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