Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know... I've bitched about this a gazillion times before... Like here and here and... Errr... Ok. Make that... I've bitched about this twice before. 3rd time's the charm, no?
Anyway... I logged on to Friendster after about a week and found 47 new messages waiting in my little inbox. All sent between last Thursday and today. Uh huh. Whoopee-doo. Ain't I popular? *gag* Maybe it's a "middle-of-the-month" thingie. Prior to this, my inbox has had less action than a nun locked in a roomful of gay men... Talk about going from 1 end of the spectrum to the other.
I now have to deal (AGAIN!) with the fact that...
1) I can apparently attract a lot of guys of a certain, errr, calibre, shall we say, within a relatively short period. All I have to do is smile insipidly and look vapid. *mumbles under breath*
2) Singapore has more weird, desperate, UGLY men than I ever thought possible.
Mental note to self: Must remember to tell mum about this the next time she starts to worry about her daughter getting left on the shelf. All she has to put up with is me dating a dude who looks like a toad, speaks like a moron and writes worse than a semi-intelligent chimpanzee.
Don't believe me? Check these out...
Sounds familiar meh? I've never heard of that damn line in my entire life. You sure as hell can't be in advertising.Subject: hello
Message: hmm...you look cute when u are tipsy.....If u drink dun drive if u drive dun follow behind my back....hahahah sound familiar right.....anyway im {Name removed}....nice to know u hope u leave a msg
And I thought my life was boring. At least my mum doesn't require me as entertainment. She has mahjong, high tea sessions, the TV and DVD player. Sheesh.Subject: Hi
Message: Hi April {Loooooong boring part of message removed}. Not much activities on wkends except 4 doin housework, entertainin my mother n my pet dog... {Blah blah blah, more boring bits removed}. Anyway, hope 2 hear from u one day. Cheers n have a good day
Firstly... I hate people who say "bery" in place or "very". I can never figure out if they're trying to act cute (which is grossly annoying in any man) or if they hit the "b" by mistake, since it's right next to the "v".Subject: hi
Message: Hi April, juz like to say u look bery photogenic and sweet and yes, tat's a compliment...hope to know more abt u and hear fr u soon k..meantime take care and cheerz..
A compliment?! Really?! Since adjectives like "photogenic" and "sweet" were used, I sorta could've sworn you were being insulting. You should've called me a toady-looking, repulsive little skank. Then I might be flattered. *yawns*
No lo. You evidently don't know jackshit lo. You should learn to use that cavity you call a brain sometimes and learn never to judge a book by its cover lo. You should seriously consider linguistic counselling too lo. I am going to stop now lo.Subject: hi
Message: hi wondering do i have a chance to get to know u.. see ur pic. u smile so sweetly n happy. good lo. haha. hope to be frenz u. that all.. how life anyway? must be good lo..
By the way... I always thought it was "lor"... Wtf is a "lo"?! *rolls eyes*
The fucker can't even spell my NAME right and he wants to be friends? How'd he liked it if I called him Enk?! Nah bei...Subject: Hi april
Message: Friend Friend ..... Apirl . Me ken .Care to be friend ..
Surrrrre. *fake toothy grin* I mean... Just because your name's Issac is reason enough for every freak on the street to want you as a friend, why should I be any different?Subject: hello!!
Message: my name is Issac can be friends?
The only thing that surprised me is that you didn't include more details on yourself in your fascinating little message. Like your pants inseam measurements, how deep your ear canal is, how long your toenails are, your dick girth...Subject: april
Message: i am jason,new member of tis web-site,sorry 2 surprise u..... i stand at 1.70n,65kg. ordinary sg look..... my hobby is bowling,jogging,reading,pools etc. mi,not gd in express myself in words.... And i believe in fate.Would like to know u better... hope we can be friend.... nice photo of u.......
Sorry dude but in this case, fate's telling you to look elsewhere for friends. In fact, fate's SCREAMING it in your face right about now. You should listen to her. :P
From the amount of information you've provided, it's apparent that you don't really give a shit as to whether I wished to know more. Which, incidently, I didn't. *yawn* Errr...Subject: Good Night!
Message: hi nice to meet you, if you wish to know mefurther, i will tell you more about myself. I'm30/m/singaporean/chinese/single/1.78m tall/single. hear from you soon... - Wilson -
Top marks for the subject heading though. Would you believe that, out of the 47 messages I received, you're 1 of 2 people who didn't use the word "April", "hi" or "hello" in it?!
(By the way, I know I'm complaining when a chap gives too little information and I'm complaining when he floods me with details. I'm deliberately hard to please. Bite me. :P)
Yes, I'm offended. Not so much by the mail as by your bad grammar and abuse of punctuation. And no, I don't wish for us to be "fren". Double cheers mate!Subject: hi
Message: Hi, I am sending this mail to intro myself and wish to be fren!.If u feel offended by this mail please accept my apology.,if u wish that we could be fren, pls let me know. so I can continue email you via this channel and who noe v might find something in common interest.Cheers:P
Ok. I'm done ranting for today. *takes a deep breath and beams* And to be fair, the last message I got wasn't all that bad...
Victor - If you see this, thanks for the note. I'm glad you like my blog and that my warped, pointless rambling amuses you... I'm sorry for not replying on Friendster but I find it too much of a hassle, even with friends. Leave me a link if you happen to blog too and I'll pop by once in a while instead, ok?
See everyone, I can be nice. When I want to be. *smirk* ;)
4 comments:
How about if a guy tries to pick you up by saying "eh, ni hen stylo leh!"? o_O
try filtering the morons by setting a "only friends of friends can view my page" thingy. used to get shitmail like that and it pissed me off grandly...at least with the filter set in place, you can be sure friends of direct friends cant be that bad right? ;p
hey april, what's your friendster's email address? perhaps i continue to boost your ever growing ego by emailing you something as well? =P
haha better than me lah i want messages in my inbox also don't have.. not even weird demented girls.. =/
anyhow, been a long time since i visited your blog. army simply takes the man out of the man man.
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