A perfect Friday morning.
Then...
The page loads...
And I saw it.
From: (Name removed) (I shall henceforth refer to this guy as The Bug...)
Date: Thursday, March 31, 2005 11:06:00 PM
Subject: call me
Message: itinkz u veli prettyz i am hunk 18yo guy with big cock call mez at (telephone number removed) if u like goodz sexxxxxx
*chokes on cigarette and hacks like a loon*
I then made the mistake of clicking on The Bug's profile and looking through his photos. I spent the next 30 seconds gawking in horror at a chap that brought to mind an Asian version of Steve Buscemi. *shudders* (No idea who that is? Think back to the movie "Con Air". Garland "The Marietta Mangler" Greene. The skinny little psycho bugger that played with the little girl and sang "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands". Ring any bells? No? Well click here to read ol' Stevie's bio then.)
Anyway... Back to my little story. I hurriedly hit the {BACK} button on my keyboard to save my eyes from any further torture and glanced through The Bug's extremely "well-written" profile. As I did, I couldn't help but ask myself...
Q: How on earth could The Bug even consider himself a hunk?!
A: He's blind / delusional / mentally handicapped.
Q: Why would he ever think that I'd be sexually attracted to a scrawny little twat 9 years my junior? (Yeah. Go ahead and calculate my age. I'm a dried up 27 year old cow. Whatever... :P)
A: He's blind / delusional / mentally handicapped. Or...
A: He thinks I'm blind / delusional / mentally handicapped. :(
Q: What's up with the horrible English, the meaningless adding of "z" to his words and the utter lack of punctuation?!
A: He's blind / delusional / mentally handicapped.
Q: The Bug's been on Friendster since mid-2002 and he's got ZERO friends?!
A: Ah well... He's blind / delusional / mentally handicapped. I'm guessing he doesn't get out much.
Q: A cheena gerk (For the uninitiated, that more or less translates into a Chinese dweeb!) who's well-endowed?!
A: Probably not. After all... Uh huh... You said it. He's blind / delusional / mentally handicapped.
Hah. All in all, I must say that The Bug's gotten my April Fool's Day off to a pretty unusual start. (By the way, if I hear 1 more April Fool's joke about my name, I'm gonna hurl!)
Oh. And to top my morning off? I've managed to break my favorite pink ashtray. Waaaaaa...
Fuck. :(
10 comments:
Ask him to send a picture of his big cock to you.
Email me his contact? I wanna see too. haha. softbrownfur@yahoo.com
FF - Unfortunately, I deleted his message right after I viewed his profile. Shit... Should have thought about saving it and revealing him as the fucking pervert he is to the rest of the world.
Dumpieus - Ya! The pink one! The spring broke so now that spinning lid thingie is STUCK. Doh! Waaaaaaaa...
you should have saved the friendster link so we could all go and mock him in polysyllabic words he doubtless would not understand.
I think the lamest message I got was from this guy who actually managed to catch my attention by talking about hid dog who was in the pictures in his profile. THEN revealed that (a) he was married and (b) the dog wasn't his, but that his wife was going overseas next weekend and maybe I wnated to 'take a drive'. I honestly think that (b) offended me more. Passing off someone's pets as yours has to be really, really low. Lame-ass fucker.
His lingo reminds me of "timez n timez again...."
haha... girl! Thought i got it bad when i got this message this morning. It seriously cannot get any lamer!!
"HARLOWZ... what kind of spots(???) do you play? I want to be your Flenz(????)... can u flen me?? We can be flenz and more.... *smilez* "
What is up with these people?!!!
i honestly dont know if i should feel sorry for their horrible english or for their pathetic selves!!!
Slinky Cat - You're right. That was the lowest of the low. God... The number of sleazy assholes on Friendster amaze me. Who knew that Singapore had so many desperados?! Then again... :|
Anon - What's up with all this ANONYMOUS crap?! Heh!
Princess - No, you shouldn't feel sorry for those sad fucks. I swear that there should be a law against crappy English. I mean, I'm all for local lingo and Singlish being uniquely Singaporean but geez, people should at least be able to WRITE semi-decently!
diamzlahz! U iz dunz understandz. Beingz Anonznusmouszzz is goodzzzz.
Andz ah whenz r u fleas to mitz mezzzz. I iz waiting jinz longedz.
Anyhow, he cant beat my soundman on set. "WAT TIME IS WE HAVING LOONCH" next day i ask, how is the sound, reply "the loud is veli loot"
Oh man. I know who this is... Dumdak! Leave my big pillow alone! :P
sometimes we need such person to make life more interesting..*wink*
even though we laughed at it....but is some form of entertainment in some sense..:)
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