About 27

It just struck me that I'll be 27 in 2 months... Maybe it's the talk Jac and I had just now, maybe it's the damn song I happened to be listening to, all of a sudden I feel kinda sad, and a little lost...

When I was in my teens, I was so sure that I'd have myself all sorted out by the time I was 25 - I'd know what I was suppose to do with my life, I'd have found out the purpose of my existence, I'd be living everyday with drive, zest and enthusiasm. The next thing I know, 10 years have flashed past and I'm no closer to figuring myself out today than I was at 17...

Part of me misses those beliefs. The ones where I just knew that life had so much in store for me, where I was utterly confident that I was going to be great and successful and happy. Every birthday was just another step in that direction, bringing me a year closer to the age where I would achieve all that I was suppose to achieve. There seemed to be a million things to look forward to...

As I grew older, however, every birthday started to resemble a huge neon sign - flashing a list of my failures for the world to see. Being the proud person that I am, failure was a bitter pill to swallow, one that got bigger with each passing year.

So, in a way, coming to terms with the realization that most of those dreams were just that - imaginings unaffected by the burden of responsibilities and the harsh reality of life - has given me a sense of peace I've not felt in a long time. (Geez, that was a long sentence!) I no longer feel such a strong need to prove myself, or to live up to the route I'd mapped out way back when. Some friends say I've become jaded, others think I've finally grown up enough to look at life realistically, without the blind idealism of youth.

Whoever is right, the bottom line is, I'm slowly learning to be content with what I've got. There are times (Like now!) when I mourn a little over the loss of gleeful anticipation and wonder if I'm settling for less than I should... The good thing is, life, with its pesky demands, usually intrudes quickly enough to distract and prevent me from becoming too depressed.

That doesn't mean that I'm looking forward to turning 27 though. Especially since I have the feeling that the 1 person I want with me won't be there. Heh... Maybe I should stop listening to Landy, huh?

祝我生日快乐
唱：温岚 作词：郑中庸 作曲：周杰伦 编曲：林迈可

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么，让我诚实一点
诚实，难免有不能控制的宣泄
只要关上门，不必理谁

一个人坐在空荡包厢里面
手机， 让它休息一夜
难，像切歌切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点

生日快乐，我对自己说
蜡烛点了，寂寞亮了
生日快乐，泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切

还爱你，带一点恨
还要时间，才能平衡
热恋伤痕，幻灭重生
祝我生日快乐